What does it mean to protect your mental health while building a family as an LGBTQ+ person or couple, when so much of the process involves waiting, uncertainty and stress that is largely invisible to those around you?
For many in our LGBTQ+ community, the path to parenthood begins not with a baby name shortlist, but with paperwork, waiting rooms and difficult conversations. It can mean sitting in fertility clinics designed around heterosexual assumptions, navigating adoption assessments that scrutinise you and your relationship twice over, or calculating the emotional and financial cost of another delayed decision.
In the UK, LGBTQ+ people face distinct challenges when building a family. Legal complexity, funding disparities and discrimination frequently compound stress at a time when stability and support are most needed. By examining recent UK data, lived experience from LGBTQ+ parents and practical sources of support, this article explores how mental health and family building intersect, and how wellbeing can be better protected along the way.
The state of LGBTQ+ family building in the UK
LGBTQ+ family building is more visible than ever in Britain. Official fertility figures from the HFEA show that the number of women in same-sex couples accessing fertility treatment more than doubled between 2012 and 2022, rising from just over 1,300 treatment cycles to more than 3,300.
Yet visibility has not translated into equality. Only 16 per cent of female same-sex couples receive NHS-funded IVF for their first cycle, compared with more than half of heterosexual women aged 18 to 39. This gap often forces people to absorb significant private costs, endure repeated cycles of uncertainty, or abandon treatment altogether.
These structural barriers sit within a wider mental health context. Stonewall’s LGBT in Britain: Health report found that almost half of LGBTQ+ people experienced depression in the previous year, while three in five reported anxiety. Trans and non-binary people were particularly affected, often describing negative or dismissive treatment from healthcare professionals.
Family building does not take place in isolation. When financial strain, medical gatekeeping and emotional vulnerability coincide, the psychological toll can be profound, shaping not only the journey to parenthood but the wellbeing of families long after they are formed.
Discrimination, stigma and emotional labour
Healthcare discrimination remains a significant barrier for LGBTQ+ people in the UK. More than one in eight report unequal treatment from healthcare staff because of their sexual orientation or gender identity, while one in seven say they have avoided healthcare altogether for fear of discrimination.
During family building, this can mean repeatedly explaining relationships, correcting assumptions about gender and biology, or feeling pressure to justify parental capability. Research into minority stress, the chronic strain caused by ongoing stigma and prejudice, including work by sociologist Dr Ilan Meyer, shows that long-term exposure increases the risk of anxiety, depression and emotional exhaustion.
When these stressors are layered onto fertility treatment, adoption assessments or surrogacy arrangements, the mental health impact can be significant. Many LGBTQ+ parents describe the process as requiring constant emotional resilience alongside practical perseverance.
Social isolation and the power of community
Alongside institutional barriers, social isolation can weigh heavily on mental wellbeing. Parenting spaces such as antenatal classes or school gates often assume heterosexual family models, leaving LGBTQ+ parents feeling marginalised or invisible. For those without affirming family networks, the sense of isolation can be acute.
UK adopters Rhys and Guto, who adopted their son in 2020, spoke to PinkNews about the emotional transformation of parenthood. “Our son is full of life and has changed our lives immeasurably,” Guto said. “You don’t feel you’ve adopted—he is our son, and he will forever be ours.” Their story captures the delicate balance of hope, anxiety and joy that defines LGBTQ+ adoption journeys.
For other parents, pride and responsibility are intertwined. Abbey Collings reflected on the pride and responsibility that came with parenting: “Seeing the good job I’ve done teaching him manners and teaching him to be kind makes me feel so proud.” Gay father Chris Gibbs also highlighted the importance of visibility, noting: “Our son has already proudly told his nursery school that he’s adopted and has two daddies.”
These stories show how affirmation, representation and peer support are vital for protecting mental wellbeing. When LGBTQ+ parents are seen and supported, the emotional labour of family building becomes less isolating, and the joys of parenthood can take centre stage.
Protecting mental wellbeing while building a family
There is no single way to safeguard mental health during the family building journey. Access to appropriate support, which does not need to be explained or defended, can make a meaningful difference.
LGBTQ+ affirming counselling or therapy can help individuals and couples process uncertainty, loss and stress. While private therapy is not accessible to everyone, peer-led support groups and charity-based services offer vital alternatives, creating spaces where experiences do not need to be explained or defended.
Self-care also matters. Setting realistic expectations, acknowledging emotional limits and allowing time for rest can help reduce burnout. Actor and LGBTQ+ advocate Laverne Cox has spoken about the importance of caring for yourself in order to show up fully for others.
Healthcare, policy and inclusive practice
Supportive healthcare environments can significantly improve mental wellbeing outcomes. LGBTQ+ people consistently report better experiences when healthcare professionals are informed, respectful and inclusive of diverse family structures.
Author and trans parent Janet Mock has repeatedly urged LGBTQ+ people not to settle for dismissive care, emphasising the importance of providers who respect identity and family formation. In the UK, this highlights the need for consistent training across NHS services, inclusive fertility pathways and clearer parental recognition.
Policy plays a decisive role. Equitable access to NHS-funded fertility treatment, inclusive adoption assessments and robust legal protections all help reduce the psychological burden placed on LGBTQ+ families at the point of formation.
UK support and resources
For LGBTQ+ people building families, specialist support is available through a number of UK-based organisations:
Proud 2 b Parents: offers guidance on fertility, adoption, fostering and parenting, alongside community-based support.
New Family Social: provides peer support, resources and advocacy for LGBTQ+ adopters and foster carers.
LGBT Foundation: delivers mental health services, therapy and wellbeing programmes tailored to LGBTQ+ communities.
MindOut: runs a mental health service by and for LGBTQ+ people, offering counselling, peer support and crisis assistance.
Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline: offers confidential listening, information and signposting to LGBTQ+-friendly services across the UK.
Conclusion
Building a family as an LGBTQ+ person or couple is deeply meaningful, but it often comes with additional emotional labour shaped by inequality and misunderstanding. Prioritising mental wellbeing, seeking affirming care and connecting with supportive communities can make a substantial difference. The voices of LGBTQ+ parents across the UK demonstrate that while the journey may be complex, it is also defined by resilience, love and belonging. With ongoing support and understanding, more LGBTQ+ families can thrive, feeling seen, valued and supported.
References
- Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA). Fertility treatment 2012–2022
- The Guardian. Single women and same-sex couples face IVF funding barriers
- Stonewall. LGBT in Britain: Health
- Meyer, I.H. Prejudice, social stress, and mental health in lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations. American Journal of Public Health
- PinkNews. National Adoption Week: LGBTQ+ parents say adopting changed our lives immeasurably
- PinkNews. LGBTQ+ parents share adoption experiences in Wales
- The Guardian. Laverne Cox interview
- The Guardian. Janet Mock interview
